Party Etiquette, Issue One

As my friend Nick is hosting a BBQ tomorrow (yes, I know that a Texan would say that a BBQ requieres an open pit, so this is technically a grilling/cookout, but I don't think any Texans are reading this), some guests have asked the common question--"Can I bring anything?" This raises the question--what is proper party etiquette in terms of what guests should bring, if anything?

I've seen it done many ways--the invite might state "BYOB" or "BYOBB" (the extra "B" meaning bring extra booze!), or there might be a suggestion to kick in a few dollars to defray the cost of the keg, or it might say nothing about it. Generally when hosting, I fall in the latter category--if I'm going to host, I'll make sure there's enough food and drink so that if anyone shows up empty handed I don't have to hand them a bottle of cooking sherry and tell them next time to bring drinks. My thinking is, better to have extra on hand--and it's not a huge deal if people do show up empty handed.

However, guests should know it's understood that you should bring something, as it's only polite to make even some token contribution when a person is opening up their home to your revelry. Unless specifically requested to bring a specific item (such as if it's a pot luck, and you're given spinach dip detail), it's your best bet to bring something standard that will get eaten or drank for certain--a bottle of wine, or some bottled beer, even a bag of chips. This not only defrays some of the cost of hosting, but allows for more variety of food and beverage. Some guests even go above and beyond, by bringing sangria or chilli, and that enhances the fun even more.

Is it always wrong to show up empty handed? No, there are cases where someone is coming straight from something else, for instance, or has no opportunity to swing by a store (perhaps they got a ride with friends who weren't stopping, or took public transportation and can't carry anything on the bus/train). Or, sometimes a person is just dropping in quickly to say hello. In any case, it should be generally expected to bring something, but no big deal should be made of it when you don't. After all, it's a social occasion--shouldn't be a pressure situation for anyone!

As for the BBQ tomorrow, my response was--as it always is--"anything you bring would be awesome, but nothing requried." Hope that's not too vague!