Are You a Bad Drunk?

Are you a bad drunk? Most of us think we're not--after all, nothing wrong with getting a bit silly from time to time. And "bad" drunks often think they're the life of the party--hey, look how funny I am, sorry about your rug! But there's a clear line between someone who gets a bit silly, singing drinking songs, doing a shot of tabasco sauce or eating a hot dog with a doughnut for a bun, or dancing out of step at a lawn party, versus someone who gets into fights, tries to drive while inebriated, breaks stuff or barfs onto someone's laptop. This line separates the awesome party dude with the total dickweed.

Here's how you find out if you're a bad drunk. Ask yourself if you've ever had to hear your friends say this:

1) You owe me five hundred dollars for bail.

2) How's your knuckles? I figured punching that cement wall did a number on them.

3) I'm going to show you on the doll what you did to Jeff's dog last night.

4) You'd better go pay that waitress something extra for what you did in there.

5) Mister President, are you sure you want to invade Iraq?

The fact is, some of us have the evolutionary benefit of being able to drink immense amounts and remain harmless to themselves and others (not including their kidneys or heads the next morning), doing nothing more than amusing others with their antics. But then some of us go into a dark place, where they become belligerent, sloppy to the point of needing to be cared for, or otherwise destructive to material objects or anyone's ability to have a good time. If you have the sense that you're the latter, then you should either get the therapy you sorely need or you should simply go sober.